Does your problem serve you? Does your addiction give you a benefit? Does your problem help you survive or save your life? If you don’t truly examine your habits, addictions, issues, and problems, and find out what they’re doing to meet your needs, you could try every trick in the book to overcome them, but you never will. Deep down, at the root of it all, you need your problem.
So you have to begin to ask, How does this really serve me? What am I getting out of my relationship with alcohol? My relationship with this toxic person? Somehow, these things might be serving your needs.
For example, if you have a gambling addiction and you crave the thrill of going to casinos and spending hours there, it’s actually a kind of relationship you’re engaging in. Sure, there are negatives—you could lose money and feel shame. But at its core, this addiction meets certain needs. It’s a relationship that doesn’t talk back to you, so it serves you in that way.
And with alcohol, why are you drinking? Are you trying to stop your thoughts, numb your pain, or stay in the present moment instead of being haunted by the past or future? How will you stop this terrible habit unless you confront it directly? Sit down with the “devil” or “demon” of your addiction and say, I’m going to get to know you. I’m going to figure out your Achilles’ heel—what I do to keep you here and why I need you.
Then, when you finally understand it, the “demon”—the addiction, the problem, the perceived benefit of the wound—will dissolve. You will break those atomic habits that have been with you, served you, and perhaps even saved your life.
